What is Purpose?

Purpose is the reason for which something is done or created or for which something exists. In a sense, purpose goes beyond our physical and emotional needs. When we look at purpose, we don't look at it so much as a need but as a higher extension of our reason for being. When we look at purpose, we look at it as something more elevated than the basic physical needs for which we may set goals we want to achieve. Sometimes, we achieve physical and emotional needs simply because the relevant goals just happen to work out, without our consciously doing anything for them to appear in our life.

But purpose goes beyond our immediate needs. It is in a sense identifying our reason for being. What is the purpose of our being here on earth? What is the special influence we are meant to have here? What is our pre-ordained duty to justify our existence? We aren't just here by coincidence or accident. We each have a purpose for being here. The most contented, happiest, joyous people are those who are living in an ethical way what they perceive to be their purpose.
Purpose is much more expansive than need. Purpose is not concerned merely with survival whereas when we identify our needs, we see them as what we must have to survive in this life. Purpose is freeing, needs are restricting. Your purpose will be found within your passion. Talent may play a role but people can always build up any skill requirement. Without passion, talent can be largely ineffective.
Having said that, your passion, inner fire or inner drive does stem from a certain need, but it's more a higher self need than a primal human need. Need can be erratic according to whim or immediate desire like a momentary burst of addiction, whereas purpose as a more stable, solid foundation from which to build a life plan. When needs are met, they lose their impetus. Purpose is a constantly evolving plan that certainly builds momentum, but when following your purpose, you are in control because the Universe works with you. When need is the driving force, you can alienate attraction and the Universe because it goes contrary to their Laws.
Purpose does not contain elements of fight-or-flight which need does. Need's intensity goes through peaks and valleys, up and down, Purpose follows a well-mapped road to its destination. Further, need needs extreme often external motivation which cannot be sustained unless circumstances are drastic, while purpose is motivated from within, from your inner genius.
As you fulfill your purpose, you will automatically also fulfill some of your needs, but these needs will not be met as a result of desperation but by design.
What does this mean? It means that it is imperative that you work out what your purpose is so that you don't scurry through your days, months and your life just trying to survive. If you don't have an altruistic purpose for your life, you'll be living from need to need to need. The result? You feel a void, an emptiness, a restlessness which you will not be able to explain.
We have been given a more complex than lower mammals, an extended brain that longs to be challenged and conversely wants to give back with more neurons to keep being extended.
When you expand your basis needs and live your purpose, you expand your life. As you live this life for yourself, you also help others do the same.
The big question is. How do I discover what my purpose is?
As a start, just ask yourself as often as you remember...What is my purpose? No strain or stress, just let it flow.
Gloria M Hamilten is a recognized authority in the disciplines within Personal Development and Neuro-Linguistic Programming. She has her own training business, and conducts courses for Businesses, Sporting groups and Educational Institutions. Her website, [http://www.lifemappingmastery.com] provides a wealth of informative articles and resources on everything within these genres.
Visit her website: [http://www.lifemappingmastery.com] for your free E-course: "7 Steps To Design Your Life In The New Economy".
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7 Traits of Real Men

Men were made to be bold, strong, leaders. However, our society has attempted to repress these traits. If you look at the way men (especially dads) are portrayed on TV, you’d think we were all a bunch of irresponsible, befuddled, nincompoops, who can only function with the help of a “smart” female partner, friend, or spouse.

Consequently, many boys are confused and have no idea what it takes to be a real man. They seek inappropriate role models and emulate the bad behavior that they see on a regular basis.

It is our duty as men, fathers, and responsible citizens to counter these negative images and raise a new generation of men who are respectful, loving, and willing to contribute to society in a positive way.

If we are to achieve this goal, we must start with improving ourselves. I started my journey towards self-improvement after my daughter’s birth. The greatest compliment that a father can get from his daughter is “I want to marry someone just like you.” That kind of pressure forces you to examine your life and look for ways to improve.

Over the years, I’ve discovered seven traits that real men possess:

1. Integrity – Integrity is more than being honest. It’s a lifestyle set on striving towards moral excellence. Real men say what they mean and mean what they say. They are the same person whether or not others are watching. They are trustworthy, dependable, and unwavering.
2. Compassion – Compassion is sympathetic consciousness of others’ distress together with a desire to alleviate it. In other words, you feel compelled to help someone who is hurting. Men aren’t often viewed as being compassionate, but it is a trait that helps us to become more connected to the people around us. Real men turn their compassion into service and work to make the world a better place.
3. Confidence – Real men are confident. Many people confuse confidence with arrogance and self-centeredness. Real men know the difference. Confidence is about being self-assured and self-aware. Confident men have faith in their abilities and knowledge. They don’t need to tear others down in order to build themselves up. They earn people’s trust with their radiant, inner strength. When a they walk into the room, everyone takes notice.
4. Self-control – Hardly a day goes by without a news report about some high-profile man who has been destroyed by sex, money, and/or drugs. Too many men lack self-control, but it is the foundation of a virtuous life. Self-control starts with focus and ridding yourself of distractions. Doing this isn’t easy because temptations lurk around every corner. Real men are able to tame their desires and channel that energy into positive pursuits.
5. Perseverance – Perseverance is the product of self-control. It is courageous resistance against difficult circumstances. Perseverance is only developed through trials. Real men endure the trials and emerge stronger. They never give up.
6. Bravery – Bravery is the courage to do what is right regardless of the circumstances. Nothing is ever accomplished with an attitude of passivity. Real men stand up in the face of adversity.
7. Humility – Today’s breed of young men loves to let everyone know how much swagger they have. They thump their chests and proclaim to the world, “I’m a Big Deal. Look at me!” Real men understand the value of being humble and letting someone else’s light shine. They realize that humility is more endearing than self-importance. Humility indicates that you are ridding yourself of the poison of self-centeredness. Besides, humility softens the blow when someone knocks you off your pedestal.

Acquiring all of these traits takes time and dedication. However, our society would benefit greatly if all men strove to possess them.

WHAT IT TAKES TO BE A REAL MAN

WHAT IT TAKES TO BE A REAL MAN

The Male Spectrum divides men into 4 basic categories:  The Wussy/Geek, The Metrosexual, The Macho Man and The Real Man, comparing them against a variety of virtues and traits.  Overall, this list gives a sense of what a “real man” ought to be like. Keep in mind that behavior and your demeanor give off an aura that has an energy field. Like with polar magnets, only the opposing energy can attract each other. Baring this in mind, it is important to give off the proper masculine energy vibe to attract the right type of ladies.

Virtue/Trait
Wussy/Geek Metrosexual Macho Man Real Man Personality
Passive Flakey Aggressive Stern                            Bravery
Cowardly Worrisome Reckless Courageous              Social “face”
Timid Relaxed Obnoxious Approachable                  Labour
Workaholic For The Money Lazy Gets the job done   Generosity
Giver Cheap/Selective Taker Compromises                     Physical Prowess
Push-Over Reactive Abusive Honourable                         Sexuality
Restrained Eager to please Dominant In Control      Sense of Freedom
Oppressed Very Liberal Exploitive Respectful           Expression of Desires
Repressed Rash Obsessive Moderate                      Honesty
Transparent Ambiguous Deceptive Fair                   Reason
Data-Driven Ignorant Arrogant Wise                       Humour
Nerdy Silly/Absurd Rude/Offensive Tasteful

The Wussy is a man that has been neutered.  He’s become so reserved and self-loathing that he has essentially “given up” and is neither driven nor passionate (a passion for his X-Box doesn’t count). Many of these types are just plain losers with women and have no skills in dealing with the opposite sex. The qualities they possess are very needy ones and are fueled by insecurity.  Women are seldom attracted to The Wussy and men rarely respect them.

The Metrosexual is essentially a male that as been adversely affected by social pressures and Unisexification.  A woman would call him “a straight guy with style,” but I call him something else:  He is a man that’s decided that conforming to women’s demands and behaviors is the easiest way to win them over. But ultimately...  It doesn’t (read my metrosexuals article for more). He is typically a mamma’s boy (excessively attached to his mother or similar social figure or concept; lacking normal masculine interests) and by definition not gay, but acts that way.  One becomes a metrosexual either by a sudden revelation or by a process of slow cultural moulding, though typically the latter.  When you examine the spectrum of traits for The Metrosexual, his qualities closely resemble those of a woman. 

The Macho Man has a lot of qualities that can be attractive to women, but only because they are usually opposite qualities than women have.  Nevertheless, The Macho Man is similar to The Wussy as he is also motivated by insecurity.  But rather than being a pushover, he maintains a tough exterior to protect his weak, apprehensive self.  This man is often abusive and very selfish.  Criminals come to mind when you read his qualities, but there are a lot of regular guys who fit this category. The Macho Man may be hard to sniff out because he doesn’t behave this way all the time, especially not at work or around his family, but when alone with a woman he becomes imposing and oppressive, to make himself feel real tough when no one else is around to put him in his place.

When you read the qualities of The Real Man, you can easily paint a mental picture of the type of guy he is.  He is confident.  And actual confidence means that he has trust in himself.  The word derives from the latin form, confida, which means “with faith.”  Faith in oneself means that you believe in yourself, you stand up for what you believe in, while allowing others to do the same.  You can enjoy yourself, but you are not controlled by emotional impulses.  The Real Man is in control, but not controlling.  Makes sense, right?

Now what if you don’t fall into any of these categories?  Then you’re The Average Male, which will be across the board, so-to-speak, possessing a variety of traits and virtues from each of these categories.  But if you’re looking at the spectrum and are fumbling to place yourself, you might one to focus on one trait at a time and try to become more of a man with small, continuous improvement.  A priest at my church said recently:  "A real man is one that would do anything for his wife and children.  Anyone else is not a man, but simply a male."  I assure you that in order to feel like a man you must act like one.  If you’re a woman reading this and your boyfriend/spouse is not up to par, don’t panic:  Kindly slip this article into the Sports section of tomorrow’s paper and (if you’re lucky!) he’ll get the hint.

what makes relationship boring

“when you don't pay attention to each others needs and wants.
The little things count the most!! pay attention to what she says and maybe surprise her.. not all the time but, it will mean the world to her if you paid attention while she was talking”

Dont just sit at a house all day, girls like to hang outside the house even if its on walks
- Be yourself and she will always want to be with you if you do
- Dont keep secrets from her, girls hate that!
- Never break a promise to her
- If she gets paranoid reasure her that her paranoia is wrong
- Stuff like that
Just be a good boyfriend
NEVER USE HER

25 reasons why you must not date

Dating Game

Why do people feel so strongly about these issues? Because the "dating game" is such a dangerous game to play! Whether you are the predator or the prey, you are quite likely to be hurt by the recreational dating scene. Some may come out unscarred from the pit of snakes, but is that any reason to walk through it? :)

In terms of the use of the word 'dating' here, you might want to read part one to distinguish between recreational dating and more healthy romantic relationships.

Dating...

• leads to intimacy but not necessarily to commitment.
• tends to skip the "friendship" stage of a relationship.
• often mistakes a physical relationship for love.
• often isolates a couple from other vital relationships.
• in many cases, distracts young adults from their primary responsibility of preparing for the future.
• can cause discontentment with God's gift of singleness.
• creates an artificial environment for evaluating another person's character.
• develops a self-centered, feeling-oriented concept of love.
• teaches people to break off difficult relationships, conditioning them more for divorce than marriage.
• develops an appetite for variety and change, creating dissatisfation within marriage.
• causes late marriages, leaving more time for falling into sins associated with singleness.
• promotes lust and moderate sexual activity, opening the door for fornication.
• creates a permanent endorphin-bond between two people who will not spend their lives together.
• creates a standard of comparison by which mates are first chosen, but after marriage rejected.
• lacks the protections and guidance afforded by parental involvement of courtship.
• doesn't prepare children to face "life's realities" -- it warps life's realities!
• devalues sex and marriage.
• destroys fellowship, leaving Christians alienated and ineffective for cooperative ministry.
• embarks on a romantic progression before people are ready to follow through (and commit to marriage)
• encourages short-term relationships over long-term friendships

Biblical Courtship

BIBLICAL COURTSHIP

Biblical courtship, also known as Christian courtship, is a term used to denote a particular response to secular dating culture within various American Christian communities, c. 1985 to present. Motivated by concern for the need of Christian values in contrast to secular dating practices, conservative Christians identified what they saw as key Biblical principles for courtship and romance, and began to disseminate them in the 1980s.

The movement gained widespread exposure following the best-selling response to I Kissed Dating Goodbye, a popular contemporary treatment of Christian courtship by home school student Joshua Harris. Keynote speaker and author Dr. S.M. Davis has developed a unique stand on this philosophy, and his materials have been popular with the homes chool culture since the early 1990s. Proponents of the courtship movement say that it is identified by Biblical principles, rather than particular methods or behavioral practices. These principles have been summarized in Leave Dating Behind: a Road Map to Marriage by Christina Rogers within the acronym CARE

• Commitment to marriage
• Accountability
• Rejection of the secular dating philosophy
• Establishing physical boundaries

A more detailed list of courting ideals include:

• The guardianship responsibility of fathers over single daughters.
• The responsibility of parents to prepare their children for marriage in all respects, and for youths to be prepared in terms of talents, education, vocation and finances prior to seeking a courtship relationship.
• The mentoring role of parents or other suitable "accountability couples" in a given courtship.
• Supervision of courtships to mitigate temptations or abuse, whether of a sexual, emotional or financial nature.
• Emphasis of the importance of marriage as an opportunity for Christian service rather than a selfish endeavor.
• Emphasis of the importance of singleness before marriage as a time for greater Christian service in the community, rather than a time to be employed in selfish pursuits.
• Emphasis of the importance of counsel and evaluation by family and friends as a relationship progresses.
• Emphasis of the importance of honesty and getting to know one another as real people in "normal life" during courtship (as contrasted with the dating habit of meeting during special events and entertainment while on one's best behavior.)
• The maintenance of sexual purity.

Each courtship is unique insofar as the methods used to honor these principles will be unique in every given situation. A variety of courtship literature has been established to give guidance to singles and their families regarding the major Biblical principles. A growing body of testimony provides practical insights and understanding into the methods by which courtship advocates have deployed the universal principles of courtship into unique circumstances, such as when one of the parties has been abused or neglected by their parents or when they are older than typical marrying age.

Proponents assert that contemporary Christian courtship cannot be readily compared to historical norms of courtship practice, such as ancient or modern Hebrew or Victorian courtship practices.

DATING V COURTSHIP

DATING  VERSUS  COURTSHIP

Introduction:

The youth of today are getting ripped off. Instead of enjoying their teen years as they build skills and character, they are getting distracted into the quagmire of relationships that they are not equipped to conduct. The teen years are those where they have the fewest responsibilities at the same time as having their greatest energy level. These should be fun times, exciting times. They should be an opportunity to develop a deep, intimate and personal walk with God, establishing themselves as young warriors who know the Father and have overcome the evil one (1 John 2:13).
Unfortunately, however, our culture teaches our singles to engage in multiple dating relationships as though it were a normal and useful practise. The truth is, the modern dating system has only been around for less than a century. And it is my conviction that the wordly system of dating, as it is currently conducted by most people, is far from God's original plan, as described in the Bible. I intend to expose the flaws I see in today's dating model, and at the same time point out how Biblical courtship addresses these flaws.
As Christians, our primary purpose in life is to seek and serve God, and fulfill our destiny in Him. This is equally true in the area of relationships. We need to find out what God's plan for relationships is, and then follow it. The current model that we are using is ineffective, at best. It results in divorce more than half the time. There must be something we are doing wrong. Let's study what we are doing now against what God has described in His word, and draw up a new standard. I propose to call this standard 'courtship'. Other terms, such as 'betrothal' or even 'biblical dating' could be used, although they would possibly be confusing.

An overview of dating and courtship

Dating was invented in the early part of this century. Prior to that time, marriage always involved much more input from the parents, and "trial relationships" leading up to marriage were not conducted at all. Courtship, as discussed in more detail subsequently, seeks to emulate the Godly models described in the Bible that were conducted by God's people up until the invention of dating. My basic premise is that regardless of how we feel about things, we should follow God's model, because it will be the most effective and fulfilling. My intention is to convey that conviction, then to describe my current understanding of His model.
In overview, courting should only happen once and ends in a life-long covenant relationship. Dating happens lots of times, and ends in many hurts, heartbreaks, scars, and if you're lucky, a partner that just may stay with you for the next few years, or (if you're really lucky) the rest of your life.

• In the modern dating scene you usually hide all your faults to give a false impression about yourself, in order to keep your partner liking you. Recreational dating is about self-gratification -- you date to satisfy your own needs.
• Courtship is about open and honest exploration of each others lives and families leading up to engagement and marriage. Courtship is about marriage -- you court in order to see if there is any reason why you shouldn't get married. There is no romantic interaction until after the commitment to marriage.

Courtship is a word that has been adopted to describe a biblical model for the relationship leading up to marriage. In the Bible, the parents were always involved in the marriage process. They did not arrange the marriage without the childrens' consent, although they were certainly involved in the arrangements. Sometimes the parents found partners for the children, and then the children were consulted for their opinion. Other times the son would approach the daughter's father and make arrangements with him.

 

What's wrong with dating?

There are many forms of dating, perhaps as many as there are people. Everyone has a different view of what is right and wrong. But there is a glaring fault in many of our models, a double-standard. Once we are married, we recognize that certain things are sacred to our partner. Things such as co-habitation, kissing, intimate hugging, sex and bringing up children. We recognize that not only our physical body, but our emotions, even our spirit are dedicated to that one partner, for the rest of our life (according to our vows).
The dichotomy is this: in dating, we presume to partake of many of these privileges of marriage. We would be shocked if a married man had an emotional attachment to another woman, and yet it's quite acceptable for singles to have a different emotional attachment every week. On the one hand, we save sex for our partners (and some even do that sparingly), but on the other, we engage in rampant emotional promiscuity, giving pieces of our hearts away until one wonders what will be left for that special, life-long partner.
I have adopted the view that the Bible holds the truth for life today. If you feel that the Bible is not the standard for your relationships, then you might find some interesting information here, but you may remain unconvinced. If you're still not sure about this whole Christianity thing, now might be a good time to check out my essays on Christianity. Otherwise, you need to take the perspective that it's not what you want, but what God wants.
The primary purpose of marriage is not to please you, but to serve God. (Another way to say this is 'Our pleasure is not God's number one priority!' :) God wants us to be happy, but "happy" is subject to so many variances in circumstances that it is a very poor standard with which to judge life. Genesis says that God created Eve as a helpmeet -- to help Adam perform his duty, working the garden and taking dominion over the earth. That is God's purpose for marriage -- a team, fulfilling His call together -- pleased with each other, certainly, but primarily focused on Him, not their own pleasure. As Antoine de Saint-Exupery said, "Love does not consist in gazing at each other, but in looking together in the same direction."
So to have a successful marriage, the most important thing is to ensure that you follow His principles that He laid down when He designed marriage. The irony is, when we focus on His principles instead of our pleasure, we end up having a very satifying and pleasant marriage! You may feel that courtship does not adequately describe these principles. If so, I would be happy to hear from you, because I don't believe I have all the answers yet, I feel I'm still on the journey. These articles have already undergone considerable revision from readers' feedback. However, from my review of the Bible, it is my firm conviction that the recreational dating scene is not God's plan for finding a mate.